Tag: Sufficiency

DEC 1985 – SEP 1995 (the short version)

Dear Readers,

Below is a small portion of KING YESHUA’S Story in my life. It’s short, but it’s about The One Who IS GOOD!!! 🙂

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On MON 23 DEC 1985 around 1000 (10:00 am) I became a born-again Christian. My life was NEW!!! And CLEAN!!! And AWESOME!!! Woohoo!!! 🙂

What I didn’t know was, that in order for my emotional, romantic, sexual feelings to be transformed, I would need to practice being rigorously honest with GOD, myself, and others I trusted. My perception at that time was: If I just give my homosexual feelings to GOD, then He would change them into romantic and sexual feelings for men. Kinda like, “Poof!”

That didn’t work.

In FEB 1988, I started a romantic and sexual relationship with another woman who was struggling against homosexuality. Neither of us were very strong (obviously), and in October of that year I experienced my first suicidal feelings.

In the spring of 1989, I returned to living as a homosexual. Why? Because I could not escape my romantic and sexual feelings for other women — I couldn’t make them go away. And since they hadn’t changed (regardless of how many times I begged GOD to take them away), I decided that He must not want to change them, either. I told JESUS that I could no longer deny He was GOD — but I also told Him that I could no longer deny I was a lesbian.

So, off I went to live my new life as a lesbian Christian in Gainesville, FL. Sure, I had questions like, “Are homosexual thoughts and activity sin?” But mainly I was determined to not feel ashamed of my homosexual feelings. And, I really DID want others to know JESUS and give their life to Him. Really.

In OCT 1990, I and the woman I thought would be my forever life-partner, had a ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Gainesville. Both of our gay-identified brothers were present and signed the document as our witnesses.

On 11 NOV 1991, my brother passed away due to AIDS. In 1992, my life-partner and I moved to Tallahassee and in the fall of 1993, we started the MCC in the capital city of FL. Everything seemed great. I was kind of like the “temporary pastor” of the church — not preaching, but the out-front leader who taught that GOD blessed committed, monogamous homosexuality.

There was a big problem I kept running into, though — I didn’t know how to talk to folks about their sin problems. You see, since I was teaching that homosexuality was *not* sin, then how could I claim that GOD’S Word called their behaviors sinful? How could I say to them that there was hope for them to repent of  their sins?

I could not.

Not lying. Not stealing. Not gossiping. Not adultery. Not fornication. Not even pedophilia. “Who was I to judge?” That’s what I kept hearing in my head. So, suffice it to say, I didn’t have much “power” in my life and I felt hopeless to do anything about it.

Even in the midst of my hopeless powerlessness, though, I met some phenomenal folks through MCC, but they were not the answer to my sin problem. My rebellion could not be “fixed” by any human. Well, not any natural human, anyway. 😉

It took only a few years before I couldn’t take the depression any longer. (For those of you who haven’t experienced it, it is extremely tormenting to say there is freedom in CHRIST to change, while simultaneously refusing to surrender to Him and His Power in every area of one’s own life. That’s called “making two choices.” I blogged about that earlier.)

Back to the story . . .

I didn’t want to live with this torment any more, but I didn’t know how I could kill myself.

But, GOD . . .

Only because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, demonstrated through His Word and a few key folks, did my life begin to have hope. TRUE Hope. Hope for freedom from the tormenting lies I believed about both GOD and myself.

Mainly, though, my prayer was a simple, desperate cry to JESUS — “GOD! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!”

So, on 1 SEP 1995, I started “recovery” regarding feelings — all feelings. The first thing my therapist did was send me to PAPA’S Word to find out what He Says about Himself, what He Says about me, and what He Says about me and Him — together.

This time, though, I wasn’t doing it all alone. This time I had both spiritual and physical support through some of KING YESHUA’S people who had a clue how to love me with 100% Strength and 100% Mercy — His Great Love! HalleluYAH! 🙂 Thank You, KING YESHUA!!! 🙂

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That, Precious Readers, is the SHORT version of life for me from 23 DEC 1985 – 1 SEP 1995!

Thanks for reading and PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
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6

I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y.

Dear Readers,

My Home Church (Calvary Chapel Tallahassee) has just started a class called: “Self-Confrontation: A Manual for In-Depth Biblical Discipleship.”
[sub subtitle] – “Based on [The Bible] as the only authoritative rule of faith and conduct.”

I mention this class because it’s ALL about I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. — truly!

The book is *not* about beating people up emotionally or spiritually (that would be abusive). It’s *not* lax in calling sin what it is — wrong and destructive, nor is it lax in saying WHO my IDENTITY is to be based on — (that would be neglectful to not state Truth clearly).

I say all of that because if I base my IDENTITY on anything (or anyone) other than CHRIST JESUS, then I have a problem that needs correcting (just like being abusive and/or neglectful). But no worries, because KING YESHUA’S Word is ALL about lovingly, firmly, clearly, consistently, and mercifully transforming me more and more into Himself!

The Scriptures repeat this same thing over and over again. (See the post script for a little more on this.)

If I were to say, do, or write anything contrary to what PAPA’S Word says, I sure hope my Brothers and Sisters would *love me enough* to share with me what His Word says. And to walk alongside of me as I adjust to the growing pains, to help lift me up when it gets REALLY painful, as well as to rejoice with me when victories are made! Especially when it comes to my IDENTITY. (Yes, I know — I’m capitalizing that word repeatedly. It’s because it’s one of the main FOUNDATIONAL parts of being born-again.)

And, while I’m thinking about it — it doesn’t matter *who* I’m talking to (Christian or non-believer) — my I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. remains the same. My focus is about WHO Saved me. That’s Who I focus my IDENTITY on. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Yet, there are times when I do focus elsewhere — this IS about rigorous honesty, yes? 🙂 — and when I do focus elsewhere, it’s not good. Not even close. And it sure doesn’t Glorify PAPA. No, it does not.

Here’s the REAL kicker! If I do *not* Glorify The One Who Created me (by what I say, do, write, etc.) — AND — I claim to follow Him, then I’m sending mixed messages to others. And that’s REALLY not good! (Short version: Mixed messages = destructive. Clear, Clean Boundaries = HEALTHY!)

One last thought — I just shared this in a prayer with a dear Warrior Princess Sister earlier: Because of The Scriptures, I know that I know that I know that PAPA has Clothed me in KING YESHUA’S Righteousness — I am Clothed in Him! I have been made *forever* C.L.E.A.N.!!! HalleluYAH!!! With that understanding of my IDENTITY, I want to walk, live, talk, think, behave, write, etc. more and more CLEAN (rather than more and more dirty). BUT – when I do get “muddy” from my sin (or other’s sin) on this earth, no worries! Because PAPA Washes me clean, again! Yahoo!!! 🙂

Well, thanks for letting me write (& write & write & write!) — these are some thoughts I’ve been wanting to share for years.

I pray you passionately pursue The One Who Died & Rose Again for you!!! And may you live out your I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. in HIM — nothing more and nothing less! Shalom, dear Readers!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
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(P.S.  My acronym of the gist of what Scripture says I need in order for me to GROW and produce FRUIT is: R.O.P.E.!
Repent AND Obey AND Persevere. All three are required to produce GROWTH. But if I want FRUIT, then I will need to Endure testing, pain, and hardship! Then I will have MUCH good Fruit to share with others! In case you missed it – R.O.P.E.! = Repent, Obey, Persevere, Endure!)

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Fearless Confidence In KING YESHUA!!! :-)

Dear Readers,

I wanted to share what PAPA has been showing me in Hebrews 10.
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Hebrews 10:34-36 (AMP)

v. 34
“For you did sympathize and suffer along with those who were imprisoned, and you bore cheerfully the plundering of your belongings and the confiscation of your property, in the knowledge and consciousness that you yourselves had a better and lasting possession.”

— I have yet to bear “cheerfully the plundering of [my] belongings and the confiscation of [my] property.” (I’m referring to numerous incidents years ago with a particular Adopted Family Member.)

So . . . , since PAPA makes it VERY clear here (and in other verses in Scripture) of how I’m to live when others attack me, I wanted to share my prayer with y’all.

“KING YESHUA, I ask You and I thank You for doing whatever it takes to soften my heart towards You, Your Word, and Your Will in every area of my life — no matter what it costs me — especially in the area of cheerfully bearing attacks (both past, present, and future).”
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v. 35
“Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward.”

— Fearless confidence?? I’ve not even REMOTELY been confident for weeks, much less been fearless!

But, GOD . . . , He Says He does NOT want me to fling it away, but I didn’t even realize He WANTED ME to have fearless confidence!! I’m serious!

But, GOD . . . , He has been patiently revealing to me what that means and what it looks like.

And it is . . . GLORIOUS!!!!!!!

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v. 36
“For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.”

— Ahhhh . . . , here are THE REASONS why PAPA wants me to live a life of fearless confidence in Him — and the vital necessity of my developing “steadfast patience and endurance”:

“. . . so that [I] may perform and fully accomplish” His Will — PLUS! — so I can “receive and carry away what is promised” — AND — fully enjoy it, too!!!!!!!

W.O.W. . . . . double-triple W.O.W. . . . . . it sure doesn’t get any better than that!
🙂
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Well, Dear Readers, I hope PAPA radically uses Hebrews 10:34-36 to BLESS you & all of yours!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee!
(who is working on cheerfully bearing attacks and living in fearless confidence in KING YESHUA!!! OORAH!!!)
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Celebrating 18 Years In Recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Dear Readers,

I’m CELEBRATING the fact that 18 years ago (1 SEP 1995), is when trusting PAPA and obeying His Word was finally beginning to be enough for me — no matter what it cost me. HalleluYAH!!! 🙂

In a nutshell, this is what happened:

KING YESHUA gave me such a desperation for Him and Him Alone, that I was finally willing to cling to His Strength (rather than my own), and to face Him as He Truly Is — and myself as I truly was.

This made it possible for me to begin surrendering my homosexual behaviors, feelings, and identity to His Lordship. He also gave me His Tenacity to surrender my gender-identity confusion, self-hatred, secrets, and self-protective walls that I’d had for decades. He provided me with not only Himself and His Word, but also safe, trustworthy people to walk alongside me as I dealt with the damaging effects of over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

Today, I’m also celebrating what He’s CURRENTLY doing in my life (a.k.a., “hot-off-the-press!”). 😉

PAPA hasn’t ever wanted me to “talk-out-of-fear” (or be “silent-out-of-fear”). Yet, fear has been a life-long destructive habit in my life, but I didn’t truly see it for the harmful problem it was until FEB 2012. He’s changed me a lot regarding fear-based-talking and I still have a LONG ways to go, but that’s okay because He only wants me to live ODAT! (One Day at a Time!) 🙂

I’m also working on obeying Him by writing on a regular basis (ta-daa!) :-), along with basic physical self-care like DAILY healthy nutrition, DAILY strength-training and stretching, DAILY teeth-brushing and flossing. (Yes, I’ve been having some trouble with those DAILY healthy habits!) 😉

And last, but not least, I’m taking “baby-steps” in fully surrendering all of my femininity to Him so He can continue maturing me into the Beautifully Captivating Princess Daughter He Created me to be! YAHOO!!! 🙂

That is the “nutshell” version. I pray what I’ve shared enCOURAGES you to surrender whatever you’re holding onto — whatever it is that is hindering you from fully responding to PAPA’S Great Love for you when He says, “Come to Me, Child, and I will give you My Rest.”

Keep on taking baby-steps towards KING YESHUA, dear Readers! You are worth it! PAPA says so! 🙂

In HIS Great Love!

Melanee Lisa!

One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Warrior Princess Daughters!
OORAH!!!  \/  🙂
ALL For PAPA’S Glory!!! 🙂

6

I am thinking and/or acting like a Pharisee if . . .

PAPA,

I’ve been pondering for some time on what a Pharisee really is & I just finished reading the last half of Matthew 22. These are some of my thoughts . . .

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I am thinking and/or acting like a Pharisee if . . .

1. I don’t think I need JESUS in every area of my life.

2. I believe I can work my way into right standing with GOD.

3. I tithe “perfectly,” but do not give generously or self-sacrificially or with a joyful heart.

4. I recognize other people’s sins, but not my own sin.

5. I recognize my own sin, but think other people’s sins are worse or bigger.

6. I refuse to humble myself before The LORD; meaning, I refuse to admit I am sick & in desperate need of Him–every moment of every day.

7. I realize I’m sick, but think I’m not as sick as other people.

8. I focus on “image-management,” rather than loving The LORD with all my heart, soul, mind, & strength.

 9. I focus on “not getting dirty,” rather than going into the trenches & loving others as I love myself.

10. I look for “loopholes” (or an “easier, softer way”), rather than obeying KING JESUS.

11. I attempt to find flaws in JESUS’ Character.

12. I think, speak, & act in such a way that communicates I believe that I don’t desperately need daily intimacy with KING JESUS–that’s just for “weak”people.

13. I place obstacles in front of others who are seeking JESUS.

14. I call good, evil, and evil, good.

15. I want JESUS & His Word (both past Written & current Verbal) to “go away” & leave me alone with my sin.

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Well, PAPA, I am sometimes thinking, talking, &/or behaving like a Pharisee–ouch!

I’m sorry for the times I’ve thought, talked, & behaved like a Pharisee. Please forgive me. Thank You for Forgiving me! And thank You for doing whatever it takes to soften my heart towards You, Your Word, & Your Will in every area of my life–no matter what it takes!

I love you, PAPA!!! Thank You for Loving me FIRST!!!

And Readers, thank YOU for reading & letting me share!

Warrior Princess Melanee!
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