It’s READY!!! My prayer is for PAPA to use this video of my 1 JUN 2018 CR testimony (plus a “bibliography,” as well as two “addendum” videos!) to Radically & Powerfully TRANSFORM people’s lives! HalleluYAH!!!
It’s READY!!! My prayer is for PAPA to use this video of my 1 JUN 2018 CR testimony (plus a “bibliography,” as well as two “addendum” videos!) to Radically & Powerfully TRANSFORM people’s lives! HalleluYAH!!!
I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.
There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as “written” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.
Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I “decided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.
That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.
The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as “brokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:
“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.” — Luke 4:18 (NKJV)
A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didn’t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.
The prayer I prayed was this: “GOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.”
HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!
On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and I’m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! 🙂
On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! 🙂
KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!
Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.
The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”
• I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.
• I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.
• I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).
• I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.
• That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.
• KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
• Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.
• The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”
I’ve wondered for a LONG time how to Biblically describe what was going on years ago when I was promoting my old way of living (i.e., being a Christian, but living in relational and sexual sin AND saying that my behaviors/thoughts were **not** sin AND teaching others to do the same).
I believe PAPA has given me a visual. Here it is. I pray you are enCOURAGED to seek HIM in every area of your life — no matter the costs!
And — thank You, PAPA, for never giving up on me!!!
Okay, so I was living in relational and sexual sin, which means, according to The Scriptures, I was living like a sinner, right?
Yet, in The Scriptures, the sinners (in general), flocked to KING JESUS, didn’t they? And then those sinners repented, right? And were thankful to PAPA and followed their Saviour, right?
Well, those three sentences are a description (albeit, short), of what KING YESHUA preached when He first started His public ministry (see Mark 1:14-17):
1. The time is fulfilled. The Kingdom of GOD is at hand.
(Now is the time. Here I Am — I’m standing right here in front of you);
(Turn away from your sin — turn away from your finite way of thinking and living);
3. Believe in The Gospel.
(I Am The Gospel — I Am The Good News — Believe Me. Believe Who I say I Am; Believe who I say you are; Believe who I say we are together);
4. Follow Me.
(Go where I go and do what I do and obey My Command to love as I Love. Do not stray away, but when you do, refer back to points 1-3);
5. I will make you become Fishers of Men.
(I will empower you to live in The Strength of My Great Love. I will empower you to love other people as I Love them: in The Fullness of My Strong Holiness, Tender Mercy, and Powerfully Intimate Grace).
Continuing with the visual…
Most of the Pharisees (who are described during KING YESHUA’S day), viewed themselves as being “well” — not needing a doctor, much less a Saviour. They thought this way, because their perception was they were doing just fine by adhering to their standards of holiness, rather than KING YESHUA’S Standards of Holiness.
That is totally contrary to the repentant sinners’ perceptions — they knew they were sick and in need of a doctor and especially a Saviour! They knew they desperately needed help, so they surrendered to The One Who could actually Help them!
KING YESHUA referred to this scenario in Matthew 9:12-13 (NKJV) when He said,
“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”
So, here’s what I finally saw on THU 23 JAN 2013:
From the spring of 1989 through the fall of 1995, I was living as an UNrepentant homosexual Christian. I called my lesbian way of living “good and blessed by GOD,” and I strongly advocated for others to do the same.
I was living like a Pharisee (i.e., I believed that I was **not** “sick,” even though KING JESUS said I was sinning). I literally told GOD that I wasn’t sinning, so I didn’t need to repent.
Let me say that again — I told GOD, “I don’t need to repent.”
Oh, my . . .
Hmmm…from a physical standpoint, that can be simply described as a terribly sick woman who continually refuses to acknowledge her illness — even when the medical specialist stands right in front of her and tells her the truth about her condition, she rejects him. To make matters worse, she convinces other people to follow her example of rejecting truth about sickness which leads to a downward spiral of unhealthy existence (rather than life and life more abundantly — John 10:10).
From a spiritual viewpoint, I was someone who repeatedly refused to bow down to The One Who Created me — AND — I encouraged others to rebel with me by rejecting parts of GOD’S Word. AND — I called it “good and blessed by GOD.” The Scriptures have numerous warnings about doing such things. This verse from Isaiah 5:20 (NKJV) is particularly strong, “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!”
To knowingly reject GOD and His Word regarding KING YESHUA will ultimately lead to eternal death and separation from The Creator — that is an absolute.
Yet, if you are someone who claims to be a Christian and is living as I once was — and calling it good — please hear my heart. I’m asking you to do a different kind of Woe. I’m asking you to say, “Whoa!” as in, “stop-in-your-tracks” kind of whoa.
Also, please remember this Truth: KING JESUS Loves you! And He Loves you SO much that He doesn’t want you to stay that way — living in sin. And calling sin good. And teaching others to do the same.
Here’s The Truth: The most beautiful angel was thrown out of Heaven for doing something similar. And he took one-third of the angels with him. That’s not said as a scare tactic. That is said as a sobering reminder that PAPA Is Holy.
Is that you, today? Are you afraid to bow down to The One Who Created you? If that is you, please hear this: HE STILL LOVES YOU! Yes, He does!
The question is: Do you want to do something different? Or — are you at least willing to do something different?
If, yes, then open your Bible to Mark 1:14-17, and read aloud what KING YESHUA’S Word says.
Then follow what He says in those four verses (they’re also written above) and TELL A FRIEND (or two or three) who are walking the road of repentance, as well!
Then, continue living in The Light that the gift of Biblical repentance is and PAPA will give you not only a new heart and a new way of living, He will also give you a new job description: Fisher of Men!
PAPA’S Blessing on all of you Precious Readers!
In HIS Great Love!
Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
Below is a small portion of KING YESHUA’S Story in my life. It’s short, but it’s about The One Who IS GOOD!!! 🙂
On MON 23 DEC 1985 around 1000 (10:00 am) I became a born-again Christian. My life was NEW!!! And CLEAN!!! And AWESOME!!! Woohoo!!! 🙂
What I didn’t know was, that in order for my emotional, romantic, sexual feelings to be transformed, I would need to practice being rigorously honest with GOD, myself, and others I trusted. My perception at that time was: If I just give my homosexual feelings to GOD, then He would change them into romantic and sexual feelings for men. Kinda like, “Poof!”
That didn’t work.
In FEB 1988, I started a romantic and sexual relationship with another woman who was struggling against homosexuality. Neither of us were very strong (obviously), and in October of that year I experienced my first suicidal feelings.
In the spring of 1989, I returned to living as a homosexual. Why? Because I could not escape my romantic and sexual feelings for other women — I couldn’t make them go away. And since they hadn’t changed (regardless of how many times I begged GOD to take them away), I decided that He must not want to change them, either. I told JESUS that I could no longer deny He was GOD — but I also told Him that I could no longer deny I was a lesbian.
So, off I went to live my new life as a lesbian Christian in Gainesville, FL. Sure, I had questions like, “Are homosexual thoughts and activity sin?” But mainly I was determined to not feel ashamed of my homosexual feelings. And, I really DID want others to know JESUS and give their life to Him. Really.
In OCT 1990, I and the woman I thought would be my forever life-partner, had a ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Gainesville. Both of our gay-identified brothers were present and signed the document as our witnesses.
On 11 NOV 1991, my brother passed away due to AIDS. In 1992, my life-partner and I moved to Tallahassee and in the fall of 1993, we started the MCC in the capital city of FL. Everything seemed great. I was kind of like the “temporary pastor” of the church — not preaching, but the out-front leader who taught that GOD blessed committed, monogamous homosexuality.
There was a big problem I kept running into, though — I didn’t know how to talk to folks about their sin problems. You see, since I was teaching that homosexuality was *not* sin, then how could I claim that GOD’S Word called their behaviors sinful? How could I say to them that there was hope for them to repent of their sins?
I could not.
Not lying. Not stealing. Not gossiping. Not adultery. Not fornication. Not even pedophilia. “Who was I to judge?” That’s what I kept hearing in my head. So, suffice it to say, I didn’t have much “power” in my life and I felt hopeless to do anything about it.
Even in the midst of my hopeless powerlessness, though, I met some phenomenal folks through MCC, but they were not the answer to my sin problem. My rebellion could not be “fixed” by any human. Well, not any natural human, anyway. 😉
It took only a few years before I couldn’t take the depression any longer. (For those of you who haven’t experienced it, it is extremely tormenting to say there is freedom in CHRIST to change, while simultaneously refusing to surrender to Him and His Power in every area of one’s own life. That’s called “making two choices.” I blogged about that earlier.)
Back to the story . . .
I didn’t want to live with this torment any more, but I didn’t know how I could kill myself.
But, GOD . . .
Only because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, demonstrated through His Word and a few key folks, did my life begin to have hope. TRUE Hope. Hope for freedom from the tormenting lies I believed about both GOD and myself.
Mainly, though, my prayer was a simple, desperate cry to JESUS — “GOD! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!”
So, on 1 SEP 1995, I started “recovery” regarding feelings — all feelings. The first thing my therapist did was send me to PAPA’S Word to find out what He Says about Himself, what He Says about me, and what He Says about me and Him — together.
This time, though, I wasn’t doing it all alone. This time I had both spiritual and physical support through some of KING YESHUA’S people who had a clue how to love me with 100% Strength and 100% Mercy — His Great Love! HalleluYAH! 🙂 Thank You, KING YESHUA!!! 🙂
That, Precious Readers, is the SHORT version of life for me from 23 DEC 1985 – 1 SEP 1995!
Thanks for reading and PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours!!!
In HIS Great Love!
Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
My Home Church (Calvary Chapel Tallahassee) has just started a class called: “Self-Confrontation: A Manual for In-Depth Biblical Discipleship.”
[sub subtitle] – “Based on [The Bible] as the only authoritative rule of faith and conduct.”
I mention this class because it’s ALL about I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. — truly!
The book is *not* about beating people up emotionally or spiritually (that would be abusive). It’s *not* lax in calling sin what it is — wrong and destructive, nor is it lax in saying WHO my IDENTITY is to be based on — (that would be neglectful to not state Truth clearly).
I say all of that because if I base my IDENTITY on anything (or anyone) other than CHRIST JESUS, then I have a problem that needs correcting (just like being abusive and/or neglectful). But no worries, because KING YESHUA’S Word is ALL about lovingly, firmly, clearly, consistently, and mercifully transforming me more and more into Himself!
The Scriptures repeat this same thing over and over again. (See the post script for a little more on this.)
If I were to say, do, or write anything contrary to what PAPA’S Word says, I sure hope my Brothers and Sisters would *love me enough* to share with me what His Word says. And to walk alongside of me as I adjust to the growing pains, to help lift me up when it gets REALLY painful, as well as to rejoice with me when victories are made! Especially when it comes to my IDENTITY. (Yes, I know — I’m capitalizing that word repeatedly. It’s because it’s one of the main FOUNDATIONAL parts of being born-again.)
And, while I’m thinking about it — it doesn’t matter *who* I’m talking to (Christian or non-believer) — my I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. remains the same. My focus is about WHO Saved me. That’s Who I focus my IDENTITY on. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Yet, there are times when I do focus elsewhere — this IS about rigorous honesty, yes? 🙂 — and when I do focus elsewhere, it’s not good. Not even close. And it sure doesn’t Glorify PAPA. No, it does not.
Here’s the REAL kicker! If I do *not* Glorify The One Who Created me (by what I say, do, write, etc.) — AND — I claim to follow Him, then I’m sending mixed messages to others. And that’s REALLY not good! (Short version: Mixed messages = destructive. Clear, Clean Boundaries = HEALTHY!)
One last thought — I just shared this in a prayer with a dear Warrior Princess Sister earlier: Because of The Scriptures, I know that I know that I know that PAPA has Clothed me in KING YESHUA’S Righteousness — I am Clothed in Him! I have been made *forever* C.L.E.A.N.!!! HalleluYAH!!! With that understanding of my IDENTITY, I want to walk, live, talk, think, behave, write, etc. more and more CLEAN (rather than more and more dirty). BUT – when I do get “muddy” from my sin (or other’s sin) on this earth, no worries! Because PAPA Washes me clean, again! Yahoo!!! 🙂
Well, thanks for letting me write (& write & write & write!) — these are some thoughts I’ve been wanting to share for years.
I pray you passionately pursue The One Who Died & Rose Again for you!!! And may you live out your I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. in HIM — nothing more and nothing less! Shalom, dear Readers!
In HIS Great Love!
Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
(P.S. My acronym of the gist of what Scripture says I need in order for me to GROW and produce FRUIT is: R.O.P.E.!
Repent AND Obey AND Persevere. All three are required to produce GROWTH. But if I want FRUIT, then I will need to Endure testing, pain, and hardship! Then I will have MUCH good Fruit to share with others! In case you missed it – R.O.P.E.! = Repent, Obey, Persevere, Endure!)
In order to TRULY obey You, I need to write the story of my life — and I have REALLY been resisting doing just that. No, make that REBELLIOUSLY REFUSING to obey You for three (3) years.
Oh, PAPA . . . (my heart’s crying) . . . I am so sorry.
“You are forgiven, Lovee. You are forgiven. Always.”
Thank You, PAPA, thank You!!! (my heart’s rejoicing and is enCOURAGED!)
“Write on, Daughter, write on!!! :-)”
So . . . where do I start writing about my life? Well, as one of my favorite musical movie lines says, “At the beginning — it’s a very good place to start!” 😉
I was probably conceived in the month of January of my birth year, but I was ORIGINALLY Conceived before time ever began. I was Conceived in PAPA GOD’S Good Heart and He Is THE One to Whom I owe everything! Thank You, PAPA!!!
“You are welcome, Lovee! Now, get onto telling the story! :-)”
Ahem . . . (clearing throat and getting back to writing!) 🙂
I’m the youngest of four (4) children and was raised all over the United States in a career military family. My biological father (Maynard, Sr.) was in the Navy and his last rank before retiring was as a CPO (Chief Petty Officer). “Grease Monkey” was one of the nicknames for helicopter mechanics and that was definitely one of his areas of expertise.
My biological mother (Ruth) was living in Jacksonville, Florida when she met Maynard, Sr. at a bar. She had already been married and divorced two times (along with one partner she didn’t marry), but no children from any of those three men. Ruth and Maynard, Sr. married in 1956 and soon thereafter started having children.
In 1957, my oldest brother, Maynard, Jr., was born in Patuxent River, Maryland — the same place where my sister, Michelle, was born one year after him. My youngest brother, Mark, was born the year following in Memphis,Tennessee. Two years later, I arrived in Jacksonville, FL — the city where my parents originally met.
Sometime after my birth, Maynard, Sr. went through a particularly personal surgery which made it so there wouldn’t be any more children. Of course, I only learned that piece of information many, many years after I was born.
My family moved around quite a lot, being a Navy family and all. As a matter of fact, I lived in ten different houses by the time I was ten years old. Yup.
After being born in Jax (Jacksonville), my family moved back to Patuxent River (Pax River) where my memories of snow are PHENOMENAL!!! 🙂 Of course, that’s because I wasn’t driving in it, I was sledding down the hill with my three siblings! 🙂
Next state was California — Imperial Beach and Silver Stand, to be exact. I started kindergarten in Imperial Beach and transferred to Silver Strand in the middle of 1st grade. In 2nd grade I met my FAVORITIST teacher, Mrs. Starr. She loved the red-skinned peanuts and my mom bought numerous cans of them for me to give to her. Mrs. Starr was also my 3rd grade teacher and when I had to leave her and my classmates to move to Texas, my heart was torn to pieces. Imagine my SURPRISE when Valentine’s Day came (the February after moving in December) and I received a BIG envelope addressed to me!!! Inside were dozens of valentine cards from my Silver Strand classmates and, of course, my extra-special teacher, Mrs. Starr! 🙂
Before I continue with The Lone Star State of Texas, let me share one conversation I remember having with Mrs. Starr. I asked her, “Mrs. Starr, do you have a nice husband?” She enthusiastically replied, “I most certainly do!” With that answer, I immediately asked her the question that I had been desiring to ask her for a long time, “Mrs. Starr, may I come live with you and your husband?” I don’t remember how she answered my 2nd question (I’m sure she was caught quite off guard), but I’ve never forgotten nor repressed that conversation. I’ve thanked PAPA many times for Mrs. Starr and one of these days I hope to connect with her (if she’s still on this earth).
Back to the Yellow Rose of Texas . . .
Without a doubt, both California and Texas were my two favorite places growing up! I have MANY fond memories of friends and school in those two states. Ironically, they were also where some of the worst sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect occurred. I’m grateful for the extremely fond memories outside of the house — they helped me cope with the atrocities committed against me inside the house. Another reason I loved those two states was the weather! California had PHENOMENAL weather (true!) and a GREAT ocean with lots of BIG boulders, while Texas had some serious sand storms! Yup, you guessed it — I loved it! 🙂 I didn’t have to drive in it (kinda like snow and ice), but it changed everything and I loved that! The tumbleweeds could get really big and they would roll around like nobody’s business! Yup! Purty cool! 🙂
It was in Texas where the story of “Charlotte’s Web” was first read to me and in that same Beeville school was where I first started participating in “Olympic” athletic events. (Both of my parents were excellent athletes and my entire family played fast-pitch softball together.) The sporting events were held annually for each school. The school winners in each event were sent to the “big stadium” to compete against other schools. Two years in a row I competed in the softball throw and both years came in first in my school and third at the big stadium for my age. Then we moved to Georgia in the middle of my 5th grade.
Before we moved, my neighbor across the street (Jimmy Patterson) gave me a kiss on my left cheek. I gave him one on his cheek, too. I was torn when I left Silver Strand, but I was DEVASTATED when I had to leave Beeville. So much so, that I made an “inner vow” to NEVER get close to another friend, again. It wouldn’t be until decades later (after entering recovery in 1995), when I began to learn how destructive inner vows are, the vital need to repent of those vows, and to ask JESUS to CHaSM (Cleanse, Heal, and Strengthen, Mature) me. In the mean time, though, this vow was just one more to add to the dozens of vows I had already made from being sexually abused.
Maynard, Sr. retired in Texas, so Georgia was the first state I lived with him being around all year long. Bainbridge, Georgia was where I first joined the band and tried-out for the girls’ basketball team in my 6th grade. We moved the middle of that year to Florida where I attended Sopchoppy Elementary School. There wasn’t a band or a girls’ basketball team at Sopchoppy. I was REALLY beside myself with these changes! PLUS — puberty had started developing on my body — WITHOUT my permission!!! I wanted to die and I HATED going to school with all of these changes! 🙁
One bright spot was my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Hall, who was tall and very nice. The 5th grade teacher across the hall, Mrs. Margie Clay, was a nice lady, too, and the two classes sometimes did events together. I can still see how short Mrs. Clay was — especially when she stood next to Mrs. Hall! (I will share in another post how I know Mrs. Clay’s first name after all of these years.)
I was 10 years old when I entered the 6th grade and turned 11 a few months later. But while still in Georgia, I was given a BEAUTIFUL and SMART hound dog whom I named Brownie. She was the best dog that ever lived! Brownie made the trip to Florida, but she “disappeared” while we were living at what was called “the Posey house” in Medart. To this day I don’t know what happened to her or to my very first dog, Mollie (she was given to me in Beeville). It was years later (after my entering recovery) that Ruth allowed me to “interview” her over the phone. Mom answered every question I asked and she volunteered a lot of information, as well. One piece of info she shared was about Maynard, Sr. purposefully killing her dog, Teener (a miniature collie), while she (Mom) was in the hospital for one week in Pax River. I don’t know if that’s what happened to either of my dogs, but this much I do know: KING YESHUA knows and that’s all that matters.
Well, it’s getting time for me to get ready for some sleep. Next time, I’ll continue writing about 7th grade and beyond! 🙂
PAPA’S Blessings on each one of you, dear Readers!
In HIS Great Love!
Warrior Princess Melanee
I’m CELEBRATING the fact that 18 years ago (1 SEP 1995), is when trusting PAPA and obeying His Word was finally beginning to be enough for me — no matter what it cost me. HalleluYAH!!! 🙂
In a nutshell, this is what happened:
KING YESHUA gave me such a desperation for Him and Him Alone, that I was finally willing to cling to His Strength (rather than my own), and to face Him as He Truly Is — and myself as I truly was.
This made it possible for me to begin surrendering my homosexual behaviors, feelings, and identity to His Lordship. He also gave me His Tenacity to surrender my gender-identity confusion, self-hatred, secrets, and self-protective walls that I’d had for decades. He provided me with not only Himself and His Word, but also safe, trustworthy people to walk alongside me as I dealt with the damaging effects of over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.
Today, I’m also celebrating what He’s CURRENTLY doing in my life (a.k.a., “hot-off-the-press!”). 😉
PAPA hasn’t ever wanted me to “talk-out-of-fear” (or be “silent-out-of-fear”). Yet, fear has been a life-long destructive habit in my life, but I didn’t truly see it for the harmful problem it was until FEB 2012. He’s changed me a lot regarding fear-based-talking and I still have a LONG ways to go, but that’s okay because He only wants me to live ODAT! (One Day at a Time!) 🙂
I’m also working on obeying Him by writing on a regular basis (ta-daa!) :-), along with basic physical self-care like DAILY healthy nutrition, DAILY strength-training and stretching, DAILY teeth-brushing and flossing. (Yes, I’ve been having some trouble with those DAILY healthy habits!) 😉
And last, but not least, I’m taking “baby-steps” in fully surrendering all of my femininity to Him so He can continue maturing me into the Beautifully Captivating Princess Daughter He Created me to be! YAHOO!!! 🙂
That is the “nutshell” version. I pray what I’ve shared enCOURAGES you to surrender whatever you’re holding onto — whatever it is that is hindering you from fully responding to PAPA’S Great Love for you when He says, “Come to Me, Child, and I will give you My Rest.”
Keep on taking baby-steps towards KING YESHUA, dear Readers! You are worth it! PAPA says so! 🙂
In HIS Great Love!
One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Warrior Princess Daughters!
OORAH!!! \/ 🙂
ALL For PAPA’S Glory!!! 🙂
I desperately need Your Help to write what You placed on my heart over five years ago & have only recently begun to share with others. Please. Help. And ALL TO YOUR GLORY!!!
(For the record, please know that the post below is a GREAT SIMPLIFICATION of the complexity of how a person learns to perceive himself or herself as a boy or a girl. This is, after all, only a short blog on suggesting the change of language. Thanks for reading!)
If you live in the United States like I do, then you’ve probably heard that the term Same-Sex Attraction (SSA) is the same thing as homosexual feelings.
I disagree. Wholeheartedly.
But, wait, Melanee! You say you’re spiritually reborn as a Daughter of KING YESHUA and that His Word is infallible—how can you say you disagree? I’m so glad you asked!
Let me start with something seemingly unrelated . . .
I’ve observed that many people prefer shorter ways to say something. I do, too. For example, I would prefer to say, “Small Group Leader” rather than “Small Group Facilitator” anytime I can. Why? It’s three syllables shorter. I’m serious! It’s meaning is often the same, but the number of syllables are different.
That’s one of the reasons why for years I was happy with shortening my name to “Mel.” It was fewer syllables for others to say and fewer letters for me to write. What a great deal!
Until I entered recovery on 1 SEP 1995.
That’s when I began to ask PAPA to show me everything in my life that was NOT in alignment with Him—with His Word. And He has been EXTREMELY Faithful! (He’s like that, ya know!) My name was just one of them.
Since starting recovery, He has shown me MANY ways in which my thoughts, words, beliefs, attitudes, and actions were out of alignment with Him—were incorrect. Some of my habits were easy to let go. Some were not. Some are still kicking my butt when I’m tired or hurting. (True!)
But the one thing that PAPA is really drawing my attention to is the INCORRECT use of the term SSA (same-sex attraction)—as if SSA is the same thing as homosexual feelings.
They are NOT. Homosexual thoughts and behavior are sin. Same-sex attractions are not.
Yes, you read correctly. SSA is not sin.
SEXUALIZED SSA fantasies and actions ARE sin (along with many other sexual sins). But the normal (yes, normal), same-sex attractions that GOD created ALL humans with—they are NOT sin.
The desires/attractions to deeply connect to and identify with our same-sex parent, same-sex authority figures, and later, our same-sex peers are gifts from PAPA that need to be properly nurtured and protected so we can grow into maturity.
Will you read that sentence, again—and slower this time?
In other words, if a person is trying to “get rid of” their GOD-given same-sex attractions, it’s not going to happen. It can’t. GOD made each and every one of us with the need to be intimately connected with others of our same-sex in accordance to His Design as stated in His Word. And He’s NOT going to make “it” go away.
If, though, a person’s GOD-given SSA has become sexualized and/or romanticized and/or emotionally dependent (for whatever reasons, and there are many), then something is NOT in alignment with how PAPA Created men/boys and women/girls to perceive themselves and others who are of the same sex. (FYI: In this post, I’m not going to discuss heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality, asexuality, or gender-identity confusion—I’m only discussing the inappropriate language use of SSA.)
Here’s my reason for writing about language:
Since KING YESHUA made it abundantly clear that it is a TERRIBLE thing to place (or be) a stumbling block to others—especially regarding children—then I must write and ask:
Will each of you Dear Readers consider adding a few more syllables to your language?
If you said, “Yes!” then please consider adding these four syllables—sexualized SSA. Or romanticized SSA. Or emotionally dependent SSA. (Okay, I know—that last one is eight syllables, but you get the point . . .)
And will you also consider educating others about the difference? Otherwise, there are young people (and some older folks, too) who will continue to attempt to “get rid of” their GOD-given SSA. And if they don’t learn that they can’t get rid of “it,” then they will, like many others before them, become frustrated, depressed, and possibly suicidal when “it” doesn’t go away.
If what I’ve asked seems ridiculous or unimportant, then please take a moment to read my rationale:
PAPA Created me with:
– SSA (not sexualized SSA — just plain SSA),
– the desire to connect with other girls/women (rather than disconnect from them), and
– the desire to notice how other girls/women lived, looked, behaved, etc., so I could emulate them (rather than reject my own gender).
Until I actually grasped those Truths, I literally worked hard to “get rid of” those desires. And the harder I worked to make “it” go away, the greater my SSA became sexualized. The more my SSA became sexualized, the more I thought (and eventually believed) that I was homosexual.
Eventually, I succumbed to the lie that I was a lesbian. Even after I became a Christian. And I’m just one of thousands of people who have believed the same lie.
I hope that helps to clarify why this is such an important topic to take seriously. And to take action.
In short—SSA is NORMAL (i.e., is supposed to occur). And, is a GOD-given relational gift between members of the same sex (boys amongst boys as brothers and girls amongst girls as sisters).
So—are you with me? Are you ready to start re-educating yourself and others in this important area of language that is in alignment with PAPA and His Word?
I sure hope so! Because all of us are Created in His Image—and using a few more syllables will be worth producing good, healthy fruit in your own life and in others’ lives, as well!
If you need more examples of the importance of how language can be used to help shape a person’s perception of him/herself, here are a few:
Many boys are insultingly called “sissy” or “girl” or “faggot,” when, according to PAPA’S Word, the boy is a boy who has been gifted artistically. Or, for short, he’s an artistic boy.
The good news is that when a boy is called a boy in a positive manner, is affirmed as a boy Created in GOD’S Image, and is encouraged to be the boy that GOD Created him to be for a long enough period of time by his same-sex parent/authority figures and later his same-sex peers, then guess what? He thinks of himself as a boy made in GOD’S Image. Not inferior/superior to other boys nor superior/inferior to girls.
Many girls are unfortunately called a “tom-boy” when, according to PAPA’S Word, the girl is a girl who has been gifted athletically. Or, for short, she’s an athletic girl.
The good news is that when a girl is called a girl in a positive manner, is affirmed as a girl Created in GOD’S Image, and is encouraged to be the girl that GOD Created her to be for a long enough period of time by her same-sex parent/authority figures and later her same-sex peers, then guess what? She thinks of herself as a girl made in GOD’S Image. Not inferior/superior to other girls nor superior/inferior to boys.
In other words—when a boy feels like he’s “one of the boys” and a girl feels like she’s “one of the girls” for a long enough period of time, then those feelings become beliefs. These beliefs, because they’re in alignment with PAPA’S Word, help a person mature relationally as He Designed. (Maturity will need to be another blog—I’m sticking to just one focus!)
PAPA’S Blessings on each of every one of you, Dear Readers!
In HIS Great Love!
Warrior Princess Melanee!
(For the record, please know that the above post is a GREAT SIMPLIFICATION of the complexity of how a person learns to perceive himself or herself as a boy or a girl. This is, after all, only a short blog on suggesting the change of language. Thanks for reading!)
PAPA taught me an extremely important Truth-lesson through Pastor Roshad Thomas from Calvary Chapel Tallahassee a number of years ago. That Truth-lesson became my life verse — Matthew 11:6.
I’ll make this short — go read Matthew 11:6. Then read the context surrounding that one verse.
Then, read (below) how KING JESUS Spoke to me personally (using Pastor Roshad’s words, but translated to fit my personal life):
KING JESUS: “Melanee, can you be okay with suffering from obeying Me? Can you?
“Can you be okay with others misunderstanding you and not defending yourself? Can you?
“Can you be okay with your having sinned against others (or at least hurting them greatly) and then their deciding to separate themselves from you? Can you be okay with that?
“Can you be okay with My being GOD, while simultaneously NOT rescuing you from the fallen earth and it’s fallen people? Can you?”
Me: “Only. By. Your. Strength.” [major loud groan from me to PAPA]
KING JESUS: “Good, Sweeteepie, because blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.” [big hug from PAPA to me]