Testimonies

Testimonies of what KING YESHUA has done in my life!
OORAH!!!
\o/ :-)

 
 

CR Testimony (plus!) — 1 JUN 2018

 

It’s READY!!! My prayer is for PAPA to use this video of my 1 JUN 2018 CR testimony (plus a “bibliography,” as well as two “addendum” videos!) toΒ Radically & Powerfully TRANSFORM people’s lives! HalleluYAH!!!
SHALOM!

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Boundaries & Choices, Celebrate Recovery / CR, FREEDOM!, KING YESHUA!, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

5-Minute Video Testimony (from 13 AUG 2014 at Calvary Chapel Tallahassee CCTLH)

Categories: Church Body, Counseling, | Leave a comment

Confessions Of A Rebellious Flosser

Yo, Readers!!!

I’d like to share a little story that might seem to have nothing to do with brushing and flossing my teeth at night, but stick with me and I think PAPA will radically bless your heart!

In KING YESHUA’S Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\o/ πŸ™‚
_______

I no longer have sexualized same-sex attractions — thank You, PAPA!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

Yet…they did not go away by attempting to make-them-go-away — does that make sense?

Actually, I did initially pursue “making them go away,” but fortunately, PAPA had introduced me to Pamela Vest Valentine, a wise, Spirit-filled therapist who let me know that to do so, would just be a Band-Aid. She was a “client-centered” therapist, so she was willing to go that route if that’s what I really wanted, but she also told me that it would not deal with what actually needed to be dealt with — the roots.

The real problems, she said were **not** my homosexual feelings. Rather, she said that my problem was the same problem everyone has:

1. My (mis)perceptions of GOD,
2. My (mis)perceptions of myself, and
3. My (mis)perceptions of GOD and me together.

I immediately asked (it was closer to a demanding growl), “What am I supposed to do with all these other people around me??!!!”

Her eyes were compassionate, while her tone was firmly serious when she replied, “Nothing. You are to do absolutely nothing with other people until you have dealt with the first three areas — enough. And only GOD knows when enough-is-enough.”

She gently continued, “Melanee, you make people your gods…”

OUCH!!!!!!!

(Think, a hard punch to my abdomen, knocking the air out of me — maybe a hard jab to the face, too! And believe me when I say, I wanted to verbally punch her lights out!!)
πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ

What PAPA Told me that day through my therapist was this:

If I keep The-Main-Thing-The-Main-Thing…

— My focus being on KING YESHUA and no one else, following Him wherever He leads me; obeying Him (eventually!) in everything He calls me to do; resting IN Him; crying on His Shoulder; letting Him Comfort my hurting, fearful heart; running to Him when others have hurt my feelings; repenting when I disobey Him; accepting His Forgiveness (particularly in visualizing His Cleansing, Healing and Strengthening, Maturing of ALL of me — spirit, soul, body); and much, much more —

…then my ENTIRE life changes!!

HalleluYAH!!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!!!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

A bonus was that my sexualized same-sex attractions dissipated and now…I only have GOD-Given same-sex attractions and opposite-sex attractions like PAPA originally designed each person to have!!!

You might be thinking, “When is she ever going to talk about the hot topic of brushing and flossing?!”

I’m getting there!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

The “stuff” I battle today is just as sinful. And any one of them can become destructive strongholds, just like the homosexuality, pornography, and masturbation used to be.

If you’re thinking, “Wow! What could be just as ‘bad’ as sexual sin?” then you’re caught in the same trap that I sometimes get caught in, as well.

Sin — all sin — is destructive, because I’m disconnecting myself from being intimately connected to PAPA.

Okay, I won’t keep you in suspense anymore!
😜😜😜

I currently struggle against obeying PAPA in four (out of five) areas He’s Told me to do.

He’s Called me to:
Speak and Write (that’s actually two things together as one), and He’s Told me to Exercise, Eat, Brush my teeth, and Floss my teeth, EVERY day.

Every. Single. Day.
No. Matter. How. Tired. I. Am!!!

And other than eating, most days I fail MISERABLY in the other four categories. Yes, I said most days.

(FYI — eating actually means eating healthy and taking my meds and supplements.)

Well…since I celebrate the Sabbath from Friday evening to Saturday evening, I get a little break, because I only need to eat, brush, and floss during that timeframe!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜œπŸ˜œπŸ˜œ

There ya go! Those are the things that are currently embarrassing me when I’m not obedient. I “tell on myself” to my Sponsor and other accountability folks on whether I’m obeying PAPA or not. And if it starts getting REALLY out of hand, I call my therapist!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ˜ŽοΈβ˜ŽοΈπŸ“žπŸ“ž

In other words, I still have DAILY battles that I can get focused on, ashamed about, worried about, and ask questions like, “Will this EVER change?” or “Will I EVER want to obey DADDY every night about brushing and flossing my teeth???!!!” or “Will I EVER really write what PAPA Wants me to write?” or “Am I EVER going to exercise regularly regardless of the pain?”

You get the picture — and I am not exaggerating!

I really feel those things, think those things, and experience those things.

I can even think SO insanely that I start believing that my value is determined by whether or not I’m obeying PAPA…oh, my…

Another way to phrase that would be a slight variation on what my therapist said back in 1995. Instead of making other people my gods, I’m making my struggles my gods, my obedience my gods, and I can even make my disobedience my gods! Yikes!!!

Something one of my long-distance mentors, Bob Hamp, says goes something like this, “Whenever I make anything other than PAPA my GOD, then I’m plugging into the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, rather than The Tree of Life — KING YESHUA Himself!”

Talk about knowledge becoming a set-up for misery — yikes!!

So, Precious Readers, I share all this to hopefully communicate to you the absolute importance of you “plugging into” PAPA, seeking and pursuing His KINGdom and His Righteousness, rather than change.

I hope you hear me loud-and-clear — I’m *not* accusing you of pursuing change — some of you I’ve never even personally met! I’m just sharing with you how easy it is to get sidetracked off of The Main Thing.

And guess what?! I just fulfilled my writing requirement for the day, too! LOL!!! WOOHOO!!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβœοΈβœοΈβœοΈπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Thanks for letting me share!

And REMEMBER: You’re worth it, because PAPA says so!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜
πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘£πŸ‘£πŸ‘£πŸ‘£

Categories: Counseling, FREEDOM!, , Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Spiritual Truth 2x4s

Howdy, Readers!

I pray that PAPA Radically Blesses each and everyone of you and your families with an abundance of life transforming Spiritual Truth 2x4s! All in love, of course! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈ

And here’s today’s post about that kind of love!Β Shalom!😊 +++

It was around ’94 or ’95 when I was finally ready to ask my Christian therapist the ‘bigger-than-an-elephant-all-consuming-litmus-test-question’:

“So, Pam, do you believe that homosexuality is a sin?”

She stared intently at me and responded with a question of her own, “Melanee, haven’t you been on ‘both sides of the camp’?”

I knew what she meant, but it was kind of weird hearing it said out loud like that. I nodded ‘yes’ to her question and shrugged my shoulders in an indifferent, ‘so what?’ gesture.

She continued smoothly, “So… what could I possibly say that would be any different than what you’ve already heard from both sides regarding homosexuality?”

I silently shook my head to say ‘nothing.’ That’s when her next question punched me in the stomach, “Melanee, this is between you and GOD. You’re going to have to wrestle this one out with Him and His Word — and no one else.”

Externally I was stunned speechless, but internally I was outraged! Faster than a speeding bullet my thoughts raced, “EVERYONE has an opinion on the topic of sexuality – especially homosexuality!!! Who was she to not tell me her opinion?!!”

I was ready to explode, but she wouldn’t budge.

She refused my repeated offers to share her opinion and finally silenced me with a ‘Spiritual Truth 2×4’ upside my head, “Melanee, neither I nor anyone else can answer this question to your satisfaction. Only GOD can. And it’s only His Opinion that matters, anyway.”

Silence…

That was the day I learned how life-transforming Spiritual Truth 2x4s could be when wielded with strategic accuracy between the eyes! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ All because someone loved, honored, and respected me enough to **not** give me their opinion, but instead, pointed me to The One Who Loves me — Perfectly, Unashamedly, and with a Purity beyond my imagination!

HalleluYAH!!!!!!!

Thank You, PAPA, for YOU (and Your Spiritual Truth 2x4s!), and for Pamela Vest Valentine — and — for making her a double doctor!!
πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

Thanks for letting me share!

In KING YESHUA’S Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\o/ Β πŸ™‚

 

Categories: Counseling, , , | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Start Of REAL Recovery

Dear Precious Readers!

LORD Willing, I will be writing short posts that will eventually become a book of what PAPA has done in my life. I hope they paint a vivid picture of just how radical KING YESHUA’S Love is forΒ YOU!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Melanee Lisa
One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princesses!
OORAH!!!
\o/
______________________________

“GOD!!! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!!!”

Those are the words I desperately cried (more like hollered) out to PAPA inside the mobile home where I lived with my lesbian life-partner. She and I had been together since spring of 1990. It was now fall of 1995.

I continued the hollered prayer with, “NOT the kind of woman **I** think You Want me to be – or the kind of woman other Christians or my family or strangers think I’m to be! I ONLY want to be the kind of woman YOU WANT ME TO BE!!!”

With that, I slumpedΒ to the floor, writhing in wretched sobs…gasping for air as the gut-punching-pain slammed me again and again for what seemed to be forever…

I had finally surrendered…or at least **began** surrendering to The One Who had been Waiting so Patiently for me to become “sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.” (He’s VERY Patient, by the way!)

So there I was on the linoleum floor, painfully sobbing with snot-and-tear-puddles everywhere, while KING YESHUA Held me in HIS PowerfullyΒ Tender Strong Arms. ItΒ was an excellent place to start β€œREAL Recovery” – HalleluYAH!!!
πŸ™‚

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2-Minute CR Testimony!

Hey there, Readers!

Below is my 2-minute testimony that I shared at Celebrate Recovery for our 11th Anniversary Party on FRI 9 JAN 2015! May PAPA use the following words to enCOURAGE you to NEVER give up!!!

In HIS Great Love!
Beautiful Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
+
\o/
_______________

Hey there, CR Family!

I’m one of KING JESUS’ Warrior Princesses and my name is Melanee!

And that’s Melanee with 2 EEs on the end!
πŸ˜ƒ

I’m gonna share my 2-minute testimony in 3 “segments”:

1. Before Recovery,
2. After Recovery, and
3. After CR!

1. BEFORE RECOVERY

I survived over 13 years of sexual abuse by dissociating; I hated being a girl and viewed myself as a boy.

I lived in constant fear of men, was addicted to porn, and because of my homosexual feelings, I eventually told GOD that I was a lesbian. I lived with a lesbian identity for over 16 years.

I often lied and manipulated whenever I was afraid — which was often.

2. AFTER RECOVERY

I started REAL Recovery with a Christian therapist on 1 SEP 1995. I worked on the core wounds from the sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect and JESUS Performed many miracles! I began to no longer view myself as a boy and was beginning to LOVE being a girl!!
😊

As PAPA Cleansed and Healed my heart from the sexual abuse, my fear of men began to diminish and my use of porn and masturbation decreased. KING YESHUA transformed my view of myself from being a tough dyke to being HIS Beautiful Strong Tender Warrior Princess!!! OORAH!!
😊

HOLY SPIRIT was Teaching me why I was fearful and HE Showed me I could choose to stop attempting to control people-places-things by listening to HIM instead of my fears.
😊

3. AFTER CR

By the time I arrived at the very first meeting of Celebrate Recovery in 2003, I was no longer having any sexual abuse flashbacks and, through PAPA’S Great Love, I had forgiven the 4 perpetrators — HalleluYAH!!!
😊

KING YESHUA used (and still uses) numerous male leaders from CR to continue to diminish my fear of men and HE has repeatedly used the women of CR to let me know that I am TRULY “one-of-the-girls”!
😊

In 2012, HOLY SPIRIT revealed how I was sometimes still lying and it had to do with talking out of fear. Ever since I started sharing about it at CR, my fear-based talking has significantly decreased!!!

And currently…I get to work on STOPPING being lazy!!!
😊

In closing, I enCOURAGE all the newcomers and the oldtimers to NEVER EVER give up!!!

Thanks for letting me share!!!
😊

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Celebrate Recovery / CR, FREEDOM!, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS! | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Paragraph Word Of My Testimony!!! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.

There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as β€œwritten” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.

Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I β€œdecided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.

That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.

The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as β€œbrokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:

β€œThe Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.” — Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didn’t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.

The prayer I prayed was this: β€œGOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.”

HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!

On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and I’m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! πŸ™‚

On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! πŸ™‚

KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!

Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.

The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, β€œAre you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Bulleted Word Of My Testimony! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

β€’ I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

β€’ I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.

β€’ I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).

β€’ I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.

β€’ That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.

β€’ KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

β€’ Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.

β€’ The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, β€œAre you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Matters of FAITH: Eternal Life or Eternal Death, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Word Of My Testimony (Bulleted & 5-Minute Version)

Hello there, Readers!

Below are two versions of what Revelation 12:11 calls “the word of my testimony.” The first is a bulleted list and the second is a 5-minute testimony (approximately), if read out loud. I ask PAPA to do whatever it takes to soften your heart (and my heart!) towards Him, His Word, and His Will in every area of your life (and my life!) — no matter what it costs!

PAPA’S Blessings on you all!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
+
\o/
—————————

BULLETED VERSION:

β€’ I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.
β€’ I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.
β€’ I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).
β€’ I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.
β€’ That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.
β€’ KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
β€’ Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.
β€’ The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, β€œAre you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

PARAGRAPH VERSION:
I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.

There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as β€œwritten” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.

Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I β€œdecided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.

That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.

The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as β€œbrokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:

β€œThe Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”
— Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didn’t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.

The prayer I prayed was this: β€œGOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.”

HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!

On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and I’m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! πŸ™‚

On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! πŸ™‚

KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body β€“ and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!

Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.

The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, β€œAre you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

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Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Family / Friends / Animals, Fruits of Repentance, Growing Up, HIS Great Love!, KING JESUS!, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Life — Where Do I Start?

Dear PAPA,

In order to TRULY obey You, I need to write the story of my life — and I have REALLY been resisting doing just that. No, make that REBELLIOUSLY REFUSING to obey You for three (3) years.

Oh, PAPA . . . (my heart’s crying) . . . I am so sorry.

“You are forgiven, Lovee. You are forgiven. Always.”

Thank You, PAPA, thank You!!! (my heart’s rejoicing and is enCOURAGED!)

“Write on, Daughter, write on!!! :-)”

______________________________________

Dear Readers,

So . . . where do I start writing about my life? Well, as one of my favorite musical movie lines says, “At the beginning — it’s a very good place to start!” πŸ˜‰

I was probably conceived in the month of January of my birth year, but I was ORIGINALLY Conceived before time ever began. I was Conceived in PAPA GOD’S Good Heart and He Is THE One to Whom I owe everything! Thank You, PAPA!!!

“You are welcome, Lovee! Now, get onto telling the story! :-)”

Yes, Sir!

Ahem . . . (clearing throat and getting back to writing!) πŸ™‚

I’m the youngest of four (4) children and was raised all over the United States in a career military family. My biological father (Maynard, Sr.) was in the Navy and his last rank before retiring was as a CPO (Chief Petty Officer). “Grease Monkey” was one of the nicknames for helicopter mechanics and that was definitely one of his areas of expertise.

My biological mother (Ruth) was living in Jacksonville, Florida when she met Maynard, Sr. at a bar. She had already been married and divorced two times (along with one partner she didn’t marry), but no children from any of those three men. Ruth and Maynard, Sr. married in 1956 and soon thereafter started having children.

In 1957, my oldest brother, Maynard, Jr., was born in Patuxent River, Maryland — the same place where my sister, Michelle, was born one year after him. My youngest brother, Mark, was born the year following in Memphis,Tennessee. Two years later, I arrived in Jacksonville, FL — the city where my parents originally met.

Sometime after my birth, Maynard, Sr. went through a particularly personal surgery which made it so there wouldn’t be any more children. Of course, I only learned that piece of information many, many years after I was born.

My family moved around quite a lot, being a Navy family and all. As a matter of fact, I lived in ten different houses by the time I was ten years old. Yup.

After being born in Jax (Jacksonville), my family moved back to Patuxent River (Pax River) where my memories of snow are PHENOMENAL!!! πŸ™‚ Of course, that’s because I wasn’t driving in it, I was sledding down the hill with my three siblings! πŸ™‚

Next state was California — Imperial Beach and Silver Stand, to be exact. I started kindergarten in Imperial Beach and transferred to Silver Strand in the middle of 1st grade. In 2nd grade I met my FAVORITIST teacher, Mrs. Starr. She loved the red-skinned peanuts and my mom bought numerous cans of them for me to give to her. Mrs. Starr was also my 3rd grade teacher and when I had to leave her and my classmates to move to Texas, my heart was torn to pieces. Imagine my SURPRISE when Valentine’s Day came (the February after moving in December) and I received a BIG envelope addressed to me!!! Inside were dozens of valentine cards from my Silver Strand classmates and, of course, my extra-special teacher, Mrs. Starr! πŸ™‚

Before I continue with The Lone Star State of Texas, let me share one conversation I remember having with Mrs. Starr. I asked her, “Mrs. Starr, do you have a nice husband?” She enthusiastically replied, “I most certainly do!” With that answer, I immediately asked her the question that I had been desiring to ask her for a long time, “Mrs. Starr, may I come live with you and your husband?” I don’t remember how she answered my 2nd question (I’m sure she was caught quite off guard), but I’ve never forgotten nor repressed that conversation. I’ve thanked PAPA many times for Mrs. Starr and one of these days I hope to connect with her (if she’s still on this earth).

Back to the Yellow Rose of Texas . . .

Without a doubt, both California and Texas were my two favorite places growing up! I have MANY fond memories of friends and school in those two states. Ironically, they were also where some of the worst sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect occurred. I’m grateful for the extremely fond memories outside of the house — they helped me cope with the atrocities committed against me inside the house. Another reason I loved those two states was the weather! California had PHENOMENAL weather (true!) and a GREAT ocean with lots of BIG boulders, while Texas had some serious sand storms! Yup, you guessed it — I loved it! πŸ™‚ I didn’t have to drive in it (kinda like snow and ice), but it changed everything and I loved that! The tumbleweeds could get really big and they would roll around like nobody’s business! Yup! Purty cool! πŸ™‚

It was in Texas where the story of “Charlotte’s Web” was first read to me and in that same Beeville school was where I first started participating in “Olympic” athletic events. (Both of my parents were excellent athletes and my entire family played fast-pitch softball together.) The sporting events were held annually for each school. The school winners in each event were sent to the “big stadium” to compete against other schools. Two years in a row I competed in the softball throw and both years came in first in my school and third at the big stadium for my age. Then we moved to Georgia in the middle of my 5th grade.

Before we moved, my neighbor across the street (Jimmy Patterson) gave me a kiss on my left cheek. I gave him one on his cheek, too. I was torn when I left Silver Strand, but I was DEVASTATED when I had to leave Beeville. So much so, that I made an “inner vow” to NEVER get close to another friend, again. It wouldn’t be until decades later (after entering recovery in 1995), when I began to learn how destructive inner vows are, the vital need to repent of those vows, and to ask JESUS to CHaSM (Cleanse, Heal, and Strengthen, Mature) me. In the mean time, though, this vow was just one more to add to the dozens of vows I had already made from being sexually abused.

Maynard, Sr. retired in Texas, so Georgia was the first state I lived with him being around all year long. Bainbridge, Georgia was where I first joined the band and tried-out for the girls’ basketball team in my 6th grade. We moved the middle of that year to Florida where I attended Sopchoppy Elementary School. There wasn’t a band or a girls’ basketball team at Sopchoppy. I was REALLY beside myself with these changes! PLUS — puberty had started developing on my body — WITHOUT my permission!!! I wanted to die and I HATED going to school with all of these changes! πŸ™

One bright spot was my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Hall, who was tall and very nice. The 5th grade teacher across the hall, Mrs. Margie Clay, was a nice lady, too, and the two classes sometimes did events together. I can still see how short Mrs. Clay was — especially when she stood next to Mrs. Hall! (I will share in another post how I know Mrs. Clay’s first name after all of these years.)

I was 10 years old when I entered the 6th grade and turned 11 a few months later. But while still in Georgia, I was given a BEAUTIFUL and SMART hound dog whom I named Brownie. She was the best dog that ever lived! Brownie made the trip to Florida, but she “disappeared” while we were living at what was called “the Posey house” in Medart. To this day I don’t know what happened to her or to my very first dog, Mollie (she was given to me in Beeville). It was years later (after my entering recovery) that Ruth allowed me to “interview” her over the phone. Mom answered every question I asked and she volunteered a lot of information, as well. One piece of info she shared was about Maynard, Sr. purposefully killing her dog, Teener (a miniature collie), while she (Mom) was in the hospital for one week in Pax River. I don’t know if that’s what happened to either of my dogs, but this much I do know: KING YESHUA knows and that’s all that matters.

Well, it’s getting time for me to get ready for some sleep. Next time, I’ll continue writing about 7th grade and beyond! πŸ™‚

PAPA’S Blessings on each one of you, dear Readers!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee
\/ πŸ™‚

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Drums / Percussion / Music, Family / Friends / Animals, Growing Up, KING JESUS!, Sin, Sports / Athletics, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrating 18 Years In Recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Dear Readers,

I’m CELEBRATING the fact that 18 years ago (1 SEP 1995), is when trusting PAPA and obeying His Word was finally beginning to be enough for me — no matter what it cost me. HalleluYAH!!! πŸ™‚

In a nutshell, this is what happened:

KING YESHUA gave me such a desperation for Him and Him Alone, that I was finally willing to cling to His Strength (rather than my own), and to face Him as He Truly Is — and myself as I truly was.

This made it possible for me to begin surrendering my homosexual behaviors, feelings, and identity to His Lordship. He also gave me His Tenacity to surrender my gender-identity confusion, self-hatred, secrets, and self-protective walls that I’d had for decades. He provided me with not only Himself and His Word, but also safe, trustworthy people to walk alongside me as I dealt with the damaging effects of over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

Today, I’m also celebrating what He’s CURRENTLY doing in my life (a.k.a., “hot-off-the-press!”). πŸ˜‰

PAPA hasn’t ever wanted me to “talk-out-of-fear” (or be “silent-out-of-fear”). Yet, fear has been a life-long destructive habit in my life, but I didn’t truly see it for the harmful problem it was until FEB 2012. He’s changed me a lot regarding fear-based-talking and I still have a LONG ways to go, but that’s okay because He only wants me to live ODAT! (One Day at a Time!) πŸ™‚

I’m also working on obeying Him by writing on a regular basis (ta-daa!) :-), along with basic physical self-care like DAILY healthy nutrition, DAILY strength-training and stretching, DAILY teeth-brushing and flossing. (Yes, I’ve been having some trouble with those DAILY healthy habits!) πŸ˜‰

And last, but not least, I’m taking “baby-steps” in fully surrendering all of my femininity to Him so He can continue maturing me into the Beautifully Captivating Princess Daughter He Created me to be! YAHOO!!! πŸ™‚

That is the “nutshell” version. I pray what I’ve shared enCOURAGES you to surrender whatever you’re holding onto — whatever it is that is hindering you from fully responding to PAPA’S Great Love for you when He says, “Come to Me, Child, and I will give you My Rest.”

Keep on taking baby-steps towards KING YESHUA, dear Readers! You are worth it! PAPA says so! πŸ™‚

In HIS Great Love!

Melanee Lisa!

One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Warrior Princess Daughters!
OORAH!!!Β  \/ Β πŸ™‚
ALL For PAPA’S Glory!!! πŸ™‚

Categories: Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Christ-Centered Family Reconstruction, Church Body, Counseling, Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

CR Inside Testimony – 19 DEC 2012

CR Inside Testimony-2012-12-19-pdf

Here’s the testimony I shared with almost 70 women at the Gadsden Correctional Facility on WED 19 DEC 2012.

PAPA’S Blessings upon ALL the women who heard some of what KING JESUS has done in my life! I pray you all make JESUS your LORD, KING, MASTER, & BEST FRIEND!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Β \/ πŸ™‚

 

Categories: Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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