Category: Growing Up

Paragraph Word Of My Testimony!!! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.

There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as “written” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.

Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I “decided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.

That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.

The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as “brokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.” — Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didn’t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.

The prayer I prayed was this: “GOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.”

HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!

On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and I’m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! 🙂

On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! 🙂

KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!

Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.

The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

12

Bulleted Word Of My Testimony! (19 Year Anniversary!!)

• I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

• I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.

• I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).

• I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.

• That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.

• KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

• Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.

• The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

3

The Word Of My Testimony (Bulleted & 5-Minute Version)

Hello there, Readers!

Below are two versions of what Revelation 12:11 calls “the word of my testimony.” The first is a bulleted list and the second is a 5-minute testimony (approximately), if read out loud. I ask PAPA to do whatever it takes to soften your heart (and my heart!) towards Him, His Word, and His Will in every area of your life (and my life!) — no matter what it costs!

PAPA’S Blessings on you all!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
+
\o/
—————————

BULLETED VERSION:

• I survived over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.
• I dissociated in order to survive the abuse and was consumed with hatred and anger towards GOD and men, as well as self-hatred for over 30 years.
• I experienced homosexual feelings for over 30 years and lived as a lesbian for over 15 years (7 of those years as a Christian).
• I used pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasies as coping mechanisms for many years.
• That all began to change when I fully surrendered my authority to GOD’S Authority on 1 SEP 1995.
• KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, and HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person, to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.
• Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades.
• The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

PARAGRAPH VERSION:
I grew up in a family where I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected for over 13 years. I not only hated the 3 men and 1 woman who sexually used me, but I also hated myself – especially my body, because it betrayed me by responding to the sexual stimulations.

There were many unhealthy ways I attempted to deal with the trauma and pain from the sexual abuse, but they were the only coping mechanisms I knew. At a very young age, I was introduced to pornographic magazines, and later found an X-rated novel in the house – what I refer to as “written” pornography. I don’t remember when I first masturbated, but by the time I was 13 years old, I was hooked on masturbation – and devastated by the shame I felt afterwards.

Because of the abuse and neglect, it’s understandable that I wanted to be rescued out of my situation. The way I experienced wanting to be rescued was through emotionally intense romantic feelings for girls. When puberty hit, I also had strong sexual feelings for girls and women. By age 17, I “decided” that I was a lesbian. I simultaneously decided that The Bible was a bunch of lies and that GOD didn’t exist.

That, by the way, is the coping mechanism called DENIAL.

The mechanism I used from the earliest sexual abuse was dissociation. It was one of the reasons I survived hundreds of sexual violations. Dissociation is a big word for what The Bible describes as “brokenhearted” in Isaiah 61:1 and KING YESHUA quotes in Luke:

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”
— Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

A clearer visual of brokenhearted is a shattered heart, much like glass shattering to pieces when it hits the ground. Even though I didn’t know how deeply broken and wounded I was, PAPA knew; so He allowed me to experience the natural consequences of living in rebellion to Him, until I finally got sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired.

The prayer I prayed was this: “GOD, I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be. I don’t know if that means I’ll be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or asexual, but I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be.”

HOLY SPIRIT took that prayer and RAN WITH IT!

On 1 SEP 2014, it will be 19 years since fully surrendering to PAPA’S Authority over every area of my life – emotionally, mentally, relationally, and sexually. Physical health and financial recovery began years later and though I’m still physically ill with Lyme, Babesia, and Bartonella, KING YESHUA is still on His Throne and I’m still His Beautiful Brave Beloved Warrior Princess Daughter! That’s all that matters! OORAH! 🙂

On 23 DEC 2014, it will be 29 years since I surrendered my heart and life to JESUS! I was born-again that MON morning around 1000 and I’ve NEVER received a greater or more priceless gift! HalleluYAH!!! 🙂

KING YESHUA has used Himself, His Written Word, His People (two Christian therapists, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), CHRIST-Centered Family Reconstruction, Celebrate Recovery (CR), two church families, an Adopted Dad and Mom, three Sponsors, numerous Adopted Brothers and Sisters, HUNDREDS of people through books and in-person), and HIS Creation to enCOURAGE, correct, protect, comfort, direct, exhort, and strengthen me since 1 SEP 1995.

Because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, I now live as a FREED woman who understands that PAPA is The Only One Who can give me my TRUE IDENTITY and PURPOSE. He Transformed me – spirit, soul, and body – and has Taught me how to live life in healthy, non-dissociative ways. HOLY SPIRIT literally mended my shattered heart back together and I no longer have homosexual feelings, nor do I have the shame, rage, or self-loathing that were my constant tormentors for decades. I now FEEL emotions like KING YESHUA Created me to feel and because of His Faithfulness, I know how to manage my emotions, too!

Since PAPA has Taught me what to do when I’m anxious, I no longer use pornography, masturbation, or sexual fantasies. Before recovery, I only had WALLS and no boundaries. I was walled-off from PAPA, myself, and others. Not any more! KING JESUS and I together tore down the isolating walls (HalleluYAH!!!), and He Taught me what healthy boundaries are and how to enforce them in loving, respectful ways. (Actually, I’m still learning!!) I’m also learning how to **not** talk out of fear or be silent out of fear.

The life I now live is truly The Abundant Life KING YESHUA Promises in John 10:10 – all because He Patiently waits for me to daily surrender to His Authority in every area of my life. He still asks me the same thing He asked me in 1995, “Are you willing to Trust Me – just for today – no matter what it costs?”

+
\o/

0

DEC 1985 – SEP 1995 (the short version)

Dear Readers,

Below is a small portion of KING YESHUA’S Story in my life. It’s short, but it’s about The One Who IS GOOD!!! 🙂

_________________________

On MON 23 DEC 1985 around 1000 (10:00 am) I became a born-again Christian. My life was NEW!!! And CLEAN!!! And AWESOME!!! Woohoo!!! 🙂

What I didn’t know was, that in order for my emotional, romantic, sexual feelings to be transformed, I would need to practice being rigorously honest with GOD, myself, and others I trusted. My perception at that time was: If I just give my homosexual feelings to GOD, then He would change them into romantic and sexual feelings for men. Kinda like, “Poof!”

That didn’t work.

In FEB 1988, I started a romantic and sexual relationship with another woman who was struggling against homosexuality. Neither of us were very strong (obviously), and in October of that year I experienced my first suicidal feelings.

In the spring of 1989, I returned to living as a homosexual. Why? Because I could not escape my romantic and sexual feelings for other women — I couldn’t make them go away. And since they hadn’t changed (regardless of how many times I begged GOD to take them away), I decided that He must not want to change them, either. I told JESUS that I could no longer deny He was GOD — but I also told Him that I could no longer deny I was a lesbian.

So, off I went to live my new life as a lesbian Christian in Gainesville, FL. Sure, I had questions like, “Are homosexual thoughts and activity sin?” But mainly I was determined to not feel ashamed of my homosexual feelings. And, I really DID want others to know JESUS and give their life to Him. Really.

In OCT 1990, I and the woman I thought would be my forever life-partner, had a ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Gainesville. Both of our gay-identified brothers were present and signed the document as our witnesses.

On 11 NOV 1991, my brother passed away due to AIDS. In 1992, my life-partner and I moved to Tallahassee and in the fall of 1993, we started the MCC in the capital city of FL. Everything seemed great. I was kind of like the “temporary pastor” of the church — not preaching, but the out-front leader who taught that GOD blessed committed, monogamous homosexuality.

There was a big problem I kept running into, though — I didn’t know how to talk to folks about their sin problems. You see, since I was teaching that homosexuality was *not* sin, then how could I claim that GOD’S Word called their behaviors sinful? How could I say to them that there was hope for them to repent of  their sins?

I could not.

Not lying. Not stealing. Not gossiping. Not adultery. Not fornication. Not even pedophilia. “Who was I to judge?” That’s what I kept hearing in my head. So, suffice it to say, I didn’t have much “power” in my life and I felt hopeless to do anything about it.

Even in the midst of my hopeless powerlessness, though, I met some phenomenal folks through MCC, but they were not the answer to my sin problem. My rebellion could not be “fixed” by any human. Well, not any natural human, anyway. 😉

It took only a few years before I couldn’t take the depression any longer. (For those of you who haven’t experienced it, it is extremely tormenting to say there is freedom in CHRIST to change, while simultaneously refusing to surrender to Him and His Power in every area of one’s own life. That’s called “making two choices.” I blogged about that earlier.)

Back to the story . . .

I didn’t want to live with this torment any more, but I didn’t know how I could kill myself.

But, GOD . . .

Only because of KING YESHUA’S Great Love, demonstrated through His Word and a few key folks, did my life begin to have hope. TRUE Hope. Hope for freedom from the tormenting lies I believed about both GOD and myself.

Mainly, though, my prayer was a simple, desperate cry to JESUS — “GOD! I just want to be the woman YOU Created me to be!”

So, on 1 SEP 1995, I started “recovery” regarding feelings — all feelings. The first thing my therapist did was send me to PAPA’S Word to find out what He Says about Himself, what He Says about me, and what He Says about me and Him — together.

This time, though, I wasn’t doing it all alone. This time I had both spiritual and physical support through some of KING YESHUA’S people who had a clue how to love me with 100% Strength and 100% Mercy — His Great Love! HalleluYAH! 🙂 Thank You, KING YESHUA!!! 🙂

____________________________________________

That, Precious Readers, is the SHORT version of life for me from 23 DEC 1985 – 1 SEP 1995!

Thanks for reading and PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa
\/ 🙂

6

Sorrow Unto LIFE! (versus sorrow unto death)

Dear Readers,

Thanks for joining me today! How are you? I pray you are GROWING in your intimacy with KING YESHUA through talking/listening to Him, studying His HOLY SPIRIT’S Word, obeying Him, and resting in GOD’S Presence!

Speaking of GOD’S Presence, this post is about what PAPA Taught me on TUE 1 OCT 2013 (and is continuing to Teach me) about honoring and respecting others. A painful (and not pretty) lesson, but an extremely necessary one. Read on, you’ll see!
____________

I blew it relationally with my Adopted Mom last night – ugh!

Thankfully, she expressed her feelings before we parted company, and I apologized and asked for her forgiveness.

But PAPA knew I needed to recognize some SERIOUSLY harmful behavior patterns (in recovery language it’s called, “character defects”). He also wanted me to be willing to make some changes; hence, this post.

What did I do wrong? I made two choices — simultaneously. I texted Mom that I would see her soon to pick-up a VERY special package (my new inductive study Bible!) – woohoo!!! 🙂

That was one choice.

The second choice I made was to stop and talk with a friend — even though I KNEW I was committed to be elsewhere by a certain time.

After I chose the delay over honoring my Mom, I whined to her on the phone about how important that package was (I told you this wasn’t pretty!). So even though she was completely exhausted and needed to go home immediately, I whined some more. (I’m calling it whining, because whining is NOT honorable or respectful.) More attempting to convince Mom through whining.

Mom relented.

I cried, but only because I felt bad about my Mom being so tired. That’s called sorrow unto death — or ungodly sorrow (a.k.a., being sorry I “got caught”).

When we met so she could give me the package, I was still convinced in my self-centered thinking, that if I could just show Mom how SPECIAL the Bible was to me, then surely she wouldn’t be upset with me any more.

Not! (And rightfully so!)

I had dishonored and disrespected my Mom’s time and energy by making a second choice (talking with a friend) — AND — I didn’t want to accept the consequences (not having the package that night).

So although I apologized and asked for forgiveness, it wasn’t until after Mom left (with no rejoicing about my special Bible), that I sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. But this time I cried because I was beginning to “get it.” I had harmed my Mom, which also meant I had harmed our relationship. I was beginning to experience sorrow unto LIFE — HalleluYAH!!!
🙂

That’s when PAPA reminded me of what my first recovery therapist taught me about two choices. How it’s INSANE to make two choices and, in order to be SANE, I would need to choose One Thing. Make One Choice.

PAPA continued by Telling me, “Melanee – you were being immature, selfish, and self-centered when you made two choices. Especially when you didn’t want to accept and own the consequences of your actions.”

So.I.Repented. And PAPA Forgave me. That’s how GOOD HE IS! 🙂

So, this blog is the first fruits of repentance. Owning my stuff in a public forum so that my harmful behavior patterns are no longer a secret. Instead, my “two choices” and “refusing to own my responsibility” are out in KING YESHUA’S Light where transformation occurs! HalleluYAH!!!!!!!
🙂

Thanks for listening, Precious Readers, and PAPA’S Blessings on you and all of yours!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
(who is learning to make ONE CHOICE and stick to it!)
\/ 🙂

0

My Life — Where Do I Start?

Dear PAPA,

In order to TRULY obey You, I need to write the story of my life — and I have REALLY been resisting doing just that. No, make that REBELLIOUSLY REFUSING to obey You for three (3) years.

Oh, PAPA . . . (my heart’s crying) . . . I am so sorry.

“You are forgiven, Lovee. You are forgiven. Always.”

Thank You, PAPA, thank You!!! (my heart’s rejoicing and is enCOURAGED!)

“Write on, Daughter, write on!!! :-)”

______________________________________

Dear Readers,

So . . . where do I start writing about my life? Well, as one of my favorite musical movie lines says, “At the beginning — it’s a very good place to start!” 😉

I was probably conceived in the month of January of my birth year, but I was ORIGINALLY Conceived before time ever began. I was Conceived in PAPA GOD’S Good Heart and He Is THE One to Whom I owe everything! Thank You, PAPA!!!

“You are welcome, Lovee! Now, get onto telling the story! :-)”

Yes, Sir!

Ahem . . . (clearing throat and getting back to writing!) 🙂

I’m the youngest of four (4) children and was raised all over the United States in a career military family. My biological father (Maynard, Sr.) was in the Navy and his last rank before retiring was as a CPO (Chief Petty Officer). “Grease Monkey” was one of the nicknames for helicopter mechanics and that was definitely one of his areas of expertise.

My biological mother (Ruth) was living in Jacksonville, Florida when she met Maynard, Sr. at a bar. She had already been married and divorced two times (along with one partner she didn’t marry), but no children from any of those three men. Ruth and Maynard, Sr. married in 1956 and soon thereafter started having children.

In 1957, my oldest brother, Maynard, Jr., was born in Patuxent River, Maryland — the same place where my sister, Michelle, was born one year after him. My youngest brother, Mark, was born the year following in Memphis,Tennessee. Two years later, I arrived in Jacksonville, FL — the city where my parents originally met.

Sometime after my birth, Maynard, Sr. went through a particularly personal surgery which made it so there wouldn’t be any more children. Of course, I only learned that piece of information many, many years after I was born.

My family moved around quite a lot, being a Navy family and all. As a matter of fact, I lived in ten different houses by the time I was ten years old. Yup.

After being born in Jax (Jacksonville), my family moved back to Patuxent River (Pax River) where my memories of snow are PHENOMENAL!!! 🙂 Of course, that’s because I wasn’t driving in it, I was sledding down the hill with my three siblings! 🙂

Next state was California — Imperial Beach and Silver Stand, to be exact. I started kindergarten in Imperial Beach and transferred to Silver Strand in the middle of 1st grade. In 2nd grade I met my FAVORITIST teacher, Mrs. Starr. She loved the red-skinned peanuts and my mom bought numerous cans of them for me to give to her. Mrs. Starr was also my 3rd grade teacher and when I had to leave her and my classmates to move to Texas, my heart was torn to pieces. Imagine my SURPRISE when Valentine’s Day came (the February after moving in December) and I received a BIG envelope addressed to me!!! Inside were dozens of valentine cards from my Silver Strand classmates and, of course, my extra-special teacher, Mrs. Starr! 🙂

Before I continue with The Lone Star State of Texas, let me share one conversation I remember having with Mrs. Starr. I asked her, “Mrs. Starr, do you have a nice husband?” She enthusiastically replied, “I most certainly do!” With that answer, I immediately asked her the question that I had been desiring to ask her for a long time, “Mrs. Starr, may I come live with you and your husband?” I don’t remember how she answered my 2nd question (I’m sure she was caught quite off guard), but I’ve never forgotten nor repressed that conversation. I’ve thanked PAPA many times for Mrs. Starr and one of these days I hope to connect with her (if she’s still on this earth).

Back to the Yellow Rose of Texas . . .

Without a doubt, both California and Texas were my two favorite places growing up! I have MANY fond memories of friends and school in those two states. Ironically, they were also where some of the worst sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect occurred. I’m grateful for the extremely fond memories outside of the house — they helped me cope with the atrocities committed against me inside the house. Another reason I loved those two states was the weather! California had PHENOMENAL weather (true!) and a GREAT ocean with lots of BIG boulders, while Texas had some serious sand storms! Yup, you guessed it — I loved it! 🙂 I didn’t have to drive in it (kinda like snow and ice), but it changed everything and I loved that! The tumbleweeds could get really big and they would roll around like nobody’s business! Yup! Purty cool! 🙂

It was in Texas where the story of “Charlotte’s Web” was first read to me and in that same Beeville school was where I first started participating in “Olympic” athletic events. (Both of my parents were excellent athletes and my entire family played fast-pitch softball together.) The sporting events were held annually for each school. The school winners in each event were sent to the “big stadium” to compete against other schools. Two years in a row I competed in the softball throw and both years came in first in my school and third at the big stadium for my age. Then we moved to Georgia in the middle of my 5th grade.

Before we moved, my neighbor across the street (Jimmy Patterson) gave me a kiss on my left cheek. I gave him one on his cheek, too. I was torn when I left Silver Strand, but I was DEVASTATED when I had to leave Beeville. So much so, that I made an “inner vow” to NEVER get close to another friend, again. It wouldn’t be until decades later (after entering recovery in 1995), when I began to learn how destructive inner vows are, the vital need to repent of those vows, and to ask JESUS to CHaSM (Cleanse, Heal, and Strengthen, Mature) me. In the mean time, though, this vow was just one more to add to the dozens of vows I had already made from being sexually abused.

Maynard, Sr. retired in Texas, so Georgia was the first state I lived with him being around all year long. Bainbridge, Georgia was where I first joined the band and tried-out for the girls’ basketball team in my 6th grade. We moved the middle of that year to Florida where I attended Sopchoppy Elementary School. There wasn’t a band or a girls’ basketball team at Sopchoppy. I was REALLY beside myself with these changes! PLUS — puberty had started developing on my body — WITHOUT my permission!!! I wanted to die and I HATED going to school with all of these changes! 😦

One bright spot was my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Hall, who was tall and very nice. The 5th grade teacher across the hall, Mrs. Margie Clay, was a nice lady, too, and the two classes sometimes did events together. I can still see how short Mrs. Clay was — especially when she stood next to Mrs. Hall! (I will share in another post how I know Mrs. Clay’s first name after all of these years.)

I was 10 years old when I entered the 6th grade and turned 11 a few months later. But while still in Georgia, I was given a BEAUTIFUL and SMART hound dog whom I named Brownie. She was the best dog that ever lived! Brownie made the trip to Florida, but she “disappeared” while we were living at what was called “the Posey house” in Medart. To this day I don’t know what happened to her or to my very first dog, Mollie (she was given to me in Beeville). It was years later (after my entering recovery) that Ruth allowed me to “interview” her over the phone. Mom answered every question I asked and she volunteered a lot of information, as well. One piece of info she shared was about Maynard, Sr. purposefully killing her dog, Teener (a miniature collie), while she (Mom) was in the hospital for one week in Pax River. I don’t know if that’s what happened to either of my dogs, but this much I do know: KING YESHUA knows and that’s all that matters.

Well, it’s getting time for me to get ready for some sleep. Next time, I’ll continue writing about 7th grade and beyond! 🙂

PAPA’S Blessings on each one of you, dear Readers!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee
\/ 🙂

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