Monthly Archives: September 2013

I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y.

Dear Readers,

My Home Church (Calvary Chapel Tallahassee) has just started a class called:Β “Self-Confrontation: A Manual for In-Depth Biblical Discipleship.”
[sub subtitle] – “Based on [The Bible] as the only authoritative rule of faith and conduct.”

I mention this class because it’s ALL about I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. — truly!

The book is *not* about beating people up emotionally or spiritually (that would be abusive). It’s *not* lax in calling sin what it is — wrong and destructive, nor is it lax in saying WHO my IDENTITY is to be based on —Β (that would be neglectful to not state Truth clearly).

I say all of that because if I base my IDENTITY on anything (or anyone) other than CHRIST JESUS, then I have a problem that needs correcting (just like being abusive and/or neglectful). But no worries, because KING YESHUA’S Word is ALL about lovingly, firmly, clearly, consistently, and mercifully transforming me more and more into Himself!

The Scriptures repeat this same thing over and over again. (See the post script for a little more on this.)

If I were to say, do, or write anything contrary to what PAPA’S Word says, I sure hope my Brothers and Sisters would *love me enough* to share with me what His Word says. And to walk alongside of me as I adjust to the growing pains, to help lift me up when it gets REALLY painful, as well as to rejoice with me when victories are made! Especially when it comes to my IDENTITY. (Yes, I know — I’m capitalizing that word repeatedly. It’s because it’s one of the main FOUNDATIONAL parts of being born-again.)

And, while I’m thinking about it — it doesn’t matter *who* I’m talking to (Christian or non-believer) — my I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. remains the same. My focus is about WHO Saved me. That’s Who I focus my IDENTITY on. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Yet, there are times when I do focus elsewhere — this IS about rigorous honesty, yes? πŸ™‚ — and when I do focus elsewhere, it’s not good. Not even close. And it sure doesn’t Glorify PAPA. No, it does not.

Here’s the REAL kicker! If I do *not* Glorify The One Who Created me (by what I say, do, write, etc.) — AND — I claim to follow Him, then I’m sending mixed messages to others. And that’s REALLY not good! (Short version: Mixed messages = destructive. Clear, Clean Boundaries = HEALTHY!)

One last thought — I just shared this in a prayer with a dear Warrior Princess Sister earlier: Because of The Scriptures, I know that I know that I know that PAPA has Clothed me in KING YESHUA’S Righteousness — I am Clothed in Him! I have been made *forever* C.L.E.A.N.!!! HalleluYAH!!! With that understanding of my IDENTITY, I want to walk, live, talk, think, behave, write, etc. more and more CLEAN (rather than more and more dirty). BUT – when I do get “muddy” from my sin (or other’s sin) on this earth, no worries! Because PAPA Washes me clean, again! Yahoo!!! πŸ™‚

Well, thanks for letting me write (& write & write & write!) — these are some thoughts I’ve been wanting to share for years.

I pray you passionately pursue The One Who Died & Rose Again for you!!! And may you live out your I.D.E.N.T.I.T.Y. in HIM — nothing more and nothing less!Β Shalom, dear Readers!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee Lisa!
\/ πŸ™‚

(P.S.Β Β My acronym of the gist of what Scripture says I need in order for me to GROW and produce FRUIT is: R.O.P.E.!
Repent AND Obey AND Persevere. All three are required to produce GROWTH. But if I want FRUIT, then I will need to Endure testing, pain, and hardship! Then I will have MUCH good Fruit to share with others! In case you missed it – R.O.P.E.! = Repent, Obey, Persevere, Endure!)

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Family / Friends / Animals, Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fearless Confidence In KING YESHUA!!! :-)

Dear Readers,

I wanted to share what PAPA has been showing me in Hebrews 10.
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Hebrews 10:34-36 (AMP)

v. 34
“For you did sympathize and suffer along with those who were imprisoned, and you bore cheerfully the plundering of your belongings and the confiscation of your property, in the knowledge and consciousness that you yourselves had a better and lasting possession.”

— I have yet to bear “cheerfully the plundering of [my] belongings and the confiscation of [my] property.” (I’m referring to numerous incidents years ago with a particular Adopted Family Member.)

So . . . , since PAPA makes it VERY clear here (and in other verses in Scripture) of how I’m to live when others attack me, I wanted to share my prayer with y’all.

“KING YESHUA, I ask You and I thank You for doing whatever it takes to soften my heart towards You, Your Word, and Your Will in every area of my life — no matter what it costs me — especially in the area of cheerfully bearing attacks (both past, present, and future).”
_________________

v. 35
“Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward.”

— Fearless confidence?? I’ve not even REMOTELY been confident for weeks, much less been fearless!

But, GOD . . . , He Says He does NOT want me to fling it away, but I didn’t even realize He WANTED ME to have fearless confidence!! I’m serious!

But, GOD . . . , He has been patiently revealing to me what that means and what it looks like.

And it is . . . GLORIOUS!!!!!!!

_________________

v. 36
“For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.”

— Ahhhh . . . , here are THE REASONS why PAPA wants me to live a life of fearless confidence in Him — and the vital necessity of my developing “steadfast patience and endurance”:

“. . . so that [I] may perform and fully accomplish” His Will — PLUS! — so I can “receive and carry away what is promised” — AND — fully enjoy it, too!!!!!!!

W.O.W. . . . . double-triple W.O.W. . . . . . it sure doesn’t get any better than that!
πŸ™‚
_________________
Well, Dear Readers, I hope PAPA radically uses Hebrews 10:34-36 to BLESS you & all of yours!!!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee!
(who is working on cheerfully bearing attacks and living in fearless confidence in KING YESHUA!!! OORAH!!!)
\/ πŸ™‚

Categories: Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Family / Friends / Animals, Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Sin | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Life — Where Do I Start?

Dear PAPA,

In order to TRULY obey You, I need to write the story of my life — and I have REALLY been resisting doing just that. No, make that REBELLIOUSLY REFUSING to obey You for three (3) years.

Oh, PAPA . . . (my heart’s crying) . . . I am so sorry.

“You are forgiven, Lovee. You are forgiven. Always.”

Thank You, PAPA, thank You!!! (my heart’s rejoicing and is enCOURAGED!)

“Write on, Daughter, write on!!! :-)”

______________________________________

Dear Readers,

So . . . where do I start writing about my life? Well, as one of my favorite musical movie lines says, “At the beginning — it’s a very good place to start!” πŸ˜‰

I was probably conceived in the month of January of my birth year, but I was ORIGINALLY Conceived before time ever began. I was Conceived in PAPA GOD’S Good Heart and He Is THE One to Whom I owe everything! Thank You, PAPA!!!

“You are welcome, Lovee! Now, get onto telling the story! :-)”

Yes, Sir!

Ahem . . . (clearing throat and getting back to writing!) πŸ™‚

I’m the youngest of four (4) children and was raised all over the United States in a career military family. My biological father (Maynard, Sr.) was in the Navy and his last rank before retiring was as a CPO (Chief Petty Officer). “Grease Monkey” was one of the nicknames for helicopter mechanics and that was definitely one of his areas of expertise.

My biological mother (Ruth) was living in Jacksonville, Florida when she met Maynard, Sr. at a bar. She had already been married and divorced two times (along with one partner she didn’t marry), but no children from any of those three men. Ruth and Maynard, Sr. married in 1956 and soon thereafter started having children.

In 1957, my oldest brother, Maynard, Jr., was born in Patuxent River, Maryland — the same place where my sister, Michelle, was born one year after him. My youngest brother, Mark, was born the year following in Memphis,Tennessee. Two years later, I arrived in Jacksonville, FL — the city where my parents originally met.

Sometime after my birth, Maynard, Sr. went through a particularly personal surgery which made it so there wouldn’t be any more children. Of course, I only learned that piece of information many, many years after I was born.

My family moved around quite a lot, being a Navy family and all. As a matter of fact, I lived in ten different houses by the time I was ten years old. Yup.

After being born in Jax (Jacksonville), my family moved back to Patuxent River (Pax River) where my memories of snow are PHENOMENAL!!! πŸ™‚ Of course, that’s because I wasn’t driving in it, I was sledding down the hill with my three siblings! πŸ™‚

Next state was California — Imperial Beach and Silver Stand, to be exact. I started kindergarten in Imperial Beach and transferred to Silver Strand in the middle of 1st grade. In 2nd grade I met my FAVORITIST teacher, Mrs. Starr. She loved the red-skinned peanuts and my mom bought numerous cans of them for me to give to her. Mrs. Starr was also my 3rd grade teacher and when I had to leave her and my classmates to move to Texas, my heart was torn to pieces. Imagine my SURPRISE when Valentine’s Day came (the February after moving in December) and I received a BIG envelope addressed to me!!! Inside were dozens of valentine cards from my Silver Strand classmates and, of course, my extra-special teacher, Mrs. Starr! πŸ™‚

Before I continue with The Lone Star State of Texas, let me share one conversation I remember having with Mrs. Starr. I asked her, “Mrs. Starr, do you have a nice husband?” She enthusiastically replied, “I most certainly do!” With that answer, I immediately asked her the question that I had been desiring to ask her for a long time, “Mrs. Starr, may I come live with you and your husband?” I don’t remember how she answered my 2nd question (I’m sure she was caught quite off guard), but I’ve never forgotten nor repressed that conversation. I’ve thanked PAPA many times for Mrs. Starr and one of these days I hope to connect with her (if she’s still on this earth).

Back to the Yellow Rose of Texas . . .

Without a doubt, both California and Texas were my two favorite places growing up! I have MANY fond memories of friends and school in those two states. Ironically, they were also where some of the worst sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect occurred. I’m grateful for the extremely fond memories outside of the house — they helped me cope with the atrocities committed against me inside the house. Another reason I loved those two states was the weather! California had PHENOMENAL weather (true!) and a GREAT ocean with lots of BIG boulders, while Texas had some serious sand storms! Yup, you guessed it — I loved it! πŸ™‚ I didn’t have to drive in it (kinda like snow and ice), but it changed everything and I loved that! The tumbleweeds could get really big and they would roll around like nobody’s business! Yup! Purty cool! πŸ™‚

It was in Texas where the story of “Charlotte’s Web” was first read to me and in that same Beeville school was where I first started participating in “Olympic” athletic events. (Both of my parents were excellent athletes and my entire family played fast-pitch softball together.) The sporting events were held annually for each school. The school winners in each event were sent to the “big stadium” to compete against other schools. Two years in a row I competed in the softball throw and both years came in first in my school and third at the big stadium for my age. Then we moved to Georgia in the middle of my 5th grade.

Before we moved, my neighbor across the street (Jimmy Patterson) gave me a kiss on my left cheek. I gave him one on his cheek, too. I was torn when I left Silver Strand, but I was DEVASTATED when I had to leave Beeville. So much so, that I made an “inner vow” to NEVER get close to another friend, again. It wouldn’t be until decades later (after entering recovery in 1995), when I began to learn how destructive inner vows are, the vital need to repent of those vows, and to ask JESUS to CHaSM (Cleanse, Heal, and Strengthen, Mature) me. In the mean time, though, this vow was just one more to add to the dozens of vows I had already made from being sexually abused.

Maynard, Sr. retired in Texas, so Georgia was the first state I lived with him being around all year long. Bainbridge, Georgia was where I first joined the band and tried-out for the girls’ basketball team in my 6th grade. We moved the middle of that year to Florida where I attended Sopchoppy Elementary School. There wasn’t a band or a girls’ basketball team at Sopchoppy. I was REALLY beside myself with these changes! PLUS — puberty had started developing on my body — WITHOUT my permission!!! I wanted to die and I HATED going to school with all of these changes! 😦

One bright spot was my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Hall, who was tall and very nice. The 5th grade teacher across the hall, Mrs. Margie Clay, was a nice lady, too, and the two classes sometimes did events together. I can still see how short Mrs. Clay was — especially when she stood next to Mrs. Hall! (I will share in another post how I know Mrs. Clay’s first name after all of these years.)

I was 10 years old when I entered the 6th grade and turned 11 a few months later. But while still in Georgia, I was given a BEAUTIFUL and SMART hound dog whom I named Brownie. She was the best dog that ever lived! Brownie made the trip to Florida, but she “disappeared” while we were living at what was called “the Posey house” in Medart. To this day I don’t know what happened to her or to my very first dog, Mollie (she was given to me in Beeville). It was years later (after my entering recovery) that Ruth allowed me to “interview” her over the phone. Mom answered every question I asked and she volunteered a lot of information, as well. One piece of info she shared was about Maynard, Sr. purposefully killing her dog, Teener (a miniature collie), while she (Mom) was in the hospital for one week in Pax River. I don’t know if that’s what happened to either of my dogs, but this much I do know: KING YESHUA knows and that’s all that matters.

Well, it’s getting time for me to get ready for some sleep. Next time, I’ll continue writing about 7th grade and beyond! πŸ™‚

PAPA’S Blessings on each one of you, dear Readers!

In HIS Great Love!

Warrior Princess Melanee
\/ πŸ™‚

Categories: Abuse and Neglect, Drums / Percussion / Music, Family / Friends / Animals, Growing Up, KING JESUS!, Sin, Sports / Athletics, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrating 18 Years In Recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Dear Readers,

I’m CELEBRATING the fact that 18 years ago (1 SEP 1995), is when trusting PAPA and obeying His Word was finally beginning to be enough for me — no matter what it cost me. HalleluYAH!!! πŸ™‚

In a nutshell, this is what happened:

KING YESHUA gave me such a desperation for Him and Him Alone, that I was finally willing to cling to His Strength (rather than my own), and to face Him as He Truly Is — and myself as I truly was.

This made it possible for me to begin surrendering my homosexual behaviors, feelings, and identity to His Lordship. He also gave me His Tenacity to surrender my gender-identity confusion, self-hatred, secrets, and self-protective walls that I’d had for decades. He provided me with not only Himself and His Word, but also safe, trustworthy people to walk alongside me as I dealt with the damaging effects of over 13 years of childhood sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect.

Today, I’m also celebrating what He’s CURRENTLY doing in my life (a.k.a., “hot-off-the-press!”). πŸ˜‰

PAPA hasn’t ever wanted me to “talk-out-of-fear” (or be “silent-out-of-fear”). Yet, fear has been a life-long destructive habit in my life, but I didn’t truly see it for the harmful problem it was until FEB 2012. He’s changed me a lot regarding fear-based-talking and I still have a LONG ways to go, but that’s okay because He only wants me to live ODAT! (One Day at a Time!) πŸ™‚

I’m also working on obeying Him by writing on a regular basis (ta-daa!) :-), along with basic physical self-care like DAILY healthy nutrition, DAILY strength-training and stretching, DAILY teeth-brushing and flossing. (Yes, I’ve been having some trouble with those DAILY healthy habits!) πŸ˜‰

And last, but not least, I’m taking “baby-steps” in fully surrendering all of my femininity to Him so He can continue maturing me into the Beautifully Captivating Princess Daughter He Created me to be! YAHOO!!! πŸ™‚

That is the “nutshell” version. I pray what I’ve shared enCOURAGES you to surrender whatever you’re holding onto — whatever it is that is hindering you from fully responding to PAPA’S Great Love for you when He says, “Come to Me, Child, and I will give you My Rest.”

Keep on taking baby-steps towards KING YESHUA, dear Readers! You are worth it! PAPA says so! πŸ™‚

In HIS Great Love!

Melanee Lisa!

One of KING YESHUA’S Beautiful Warrior Princess Daughters!
OORAH!!!Β  \/ Β πŸ™‚
ALL For PAPA’S Glory!!! πŸ™‚

Categories: Bible / Scripture / Torah / Truth / PAPA'S Written Word, Christ-Centered Family Reconstruction, Church Body, Counseling, Fruits of Repentance, KING JESUS!, Sin, Testimonies | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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